It's a good thing God doesn't care about snot. Think about it, if Christ came to hang out with, not the righteous, but the sinner, then it only makes sense for God to not care all that much about my appearance when I come to him. I mean this quite literally, God didn't care what I looked like 30 minutes ago when I randomly broke down in the middle of the night simply because I felt compelled by his grace to draw near to him like never before.
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
And this is all that I can say right now
i know it's not much
And this is all that I can give
yeah that's my everything
I've never felt overcome by something like I did tonight. As God washed over me , I had no words, no prayers to say, not even any complete thoughts as to why I felt this way. All I knew was I didn't want to do anything alone and that I want God to have everything, even when all I could say was.....nothing. To think that God would be there crying with me and standing behind me every time I turn my back is enough to overwhelm. Then add the fact that he returns still to wash my feet in the midst of my rebellion...and what can you do other than just absorb grace and pour yourself out?
So, God, THIS is all I can say, I know it's not much, but it's all I have to give, it's my everything.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
It's Time
Well, it's time. It's time for a lot of things, actually. It's time for reflection. It's time for inventory. It's time for farewell. It's time for hello. It's time that corrals me, restrains me, and terrifies me. Time is universal, and everything is subject to it, including me and this summer. Time requires that everything must end. They say "all good things must come to an end." True, but all bad things must too; all things must. That is why I blame time for making summer end. That is also why I applaud time for letting Fall start. Because of time, the summer that provided me an opportunity to grow, and to lead, and to teach, and to learn like never before is about to end. A summer that, in all possible respects, has been one of the most rewarding of my life. Therefore, because this necessary evil called time is putting a stop to this summer, it's time for a reflective inventory of sorts…..
As a sixth, seventh, and eighth grader back in the day, I remember always looking forward to the beginning of the summer to meet the new youth interns. They were, of course, the coolest, trendiest, and godliest people a middle schooler could possibly know. Flash forward to Summer 2010 and who is that summer intern? Me. I now hold the position which some of the coolest people I ever knew (at least at the time) once held. Now that was me this summer. So as time requires that this summer end, so does my internship. What I can’t help but think is: "Did time come to early?" "Did time accidently end my summer prematurely?" These questions arise because I have never, once this summer, felt like I belong in this position--and I know exactly why. I never have felt as "intern-worthy" as I once imagined the previous interns to be. They seemed all grown up and adult back then, and I don't feel as grown up as I thought they were. In all actuality, many of them were the same age as me during their stint as youth intern, but still, I can't help but think that they were, for some reason, more qualified than me. Did I accomplish in the current students what they accomplished in me? I realize that I can't compare myself to what they did 7 or 8 years ago, but did I impact students as much as I was once impacted by a person in my current position? I hope so….I hope to God I did. So, prematurely or not, time has ended my summer. I put all I had into my position as an intern, now I'll leave it up to God to harvest the seeds I (hopefully) planted.
After reflection come farewell, and it's time for farewell. Farewell to home. Farewell to the students. Farewell to certain relationships. However, because time changes things, every farewell promises another hello. Therefore, It's time for hello. Hello to fall. Hello to school . Hello to new relationships. Hello to another opportunity to love. Like I said, I blame time for farewell, but I applaud time for hello. It's a strange dichotomy, yet much appreciated.
I must clarify, this farewell is not permanent; in fact, it's only farewell to the face to face aspect of things. I can still keep in contact via telephone, Facebook, and other interwebular activities. However, it is farewell nonetheless. So here's farewell to new relationships, old relationships, clarified relationships, and strengthened relationships. Here's farewell to opportunity, to revelation, to fear and to freedom. Like I said, I hope this farewell is not permanent, but I still hope that for you, it leads to a new hello.
Consequently, time offers me many hellos. My third year of college is upon me. New relationships will be coming out the wazoo this fall…something that I couldn't be more excited about. I get to say hello to old relationships that will be strengthened and solidified. I get to say hello to old relationships in a new setting. And I get to say hello to brand new relationships with infinite possibilities. In addition to relationships, time offers me a hello to the opportunity to love, the opportunity to excel, the opportunity to lead, and the opportunity to impress. Anticipation no longer plagues me, but now the resulting expectation stares me in the face, and I gladly welcome it.
More than anything, beyond reflection, farewell, or hello, it's time to live. Not to live for right now, not to live in the moment, but time to live for a God that exists outside of this cruel realm of time. It's time to live for my God who deserves all of my efforts. Time to live for my God who, despite my best attempt to forsake, just won't let me slip from his hand. It's time to Love God and Love People. It's time to abandon all the things that flash and attempt to draw me away. And it's time to embrace the grace that my timeless God offers to me everyday so that I can make him more famous than yesterday.
It's time.
As a sixth, seventh, and eighth grader back in the day, I remember always looking forward to the beginning of the summer to meet the new youth interns. They were, of course, the coolest, trendiest, and godliest people a middle schooler could possibly know. Flash forward to Summer 2010 and who is that summer intern? Me. I now hold the position which some of the coolest people I ever knew (at least at the time) once held. Now that was me this summer. So as time requires that this summer end, so does my internship. What I can’t help but think is: "Did time come to early?" "Did time accidently end my summer prematurely?" These questions arise because I have never, once this summer, felt like I belong in this position--and I know exactly why. I never have felt as "intern-worthy" as I once imagined the previous interns to be. They seemed all grown up and adult back then, and I don't feel as grown up as I thought they were. In all actuality, many of them were the same age as me during their stint as youth intern, but still, I can't help but think that they were, for some reason, more qualified than me. Did I accomplish in the current students what they accomplished in me? I realize that I can't compare myself to what they did 7 or 8 years ago, but did I impact students as much as I was once impacted by a person in my current position? I hope so….I hope to God I did. So, prematurely or not, time has ended my summer. I put all I had into my position as an intern, now I'll leave it up to God to harvest the seeds I (hopefully) planted.
After reflection come farewell, and it's time for farewell. Farewell to home. Farewell to the students. Farewell to certain relationships. However, because time changes things, every farewell promises another hello. Therefore, It's time for hello. Hello to fall. Hello to school . Hello to new relationships. Hello to another opportunity to love. Like I said, I blame time for farewell, but I applaud time for hello. It's a strange dichotomy, yet much appreciated.
I must clarify, this farewell is not permanent; in fact, it's only farewell to the face to face aspect of things. I can still keep in contact via telephone, Facebook, and other interwebular activities. However, it is farewell nonetheless. So here's farewell to new relationships, old relationships, clarified relationships, and strengthened relationships. Here's farewell to opportunity, to revelation, to fear and to freedom. Like I said, I hope this farewell is not permanent, but I still hope that for you, it leads to a new hello.
Consequently, time offers me many hellos. My third year of college is upon me. New relationships will be coming out the wazoo this fall…something that I couldn't be more excited about. I get to say hello to old relationships that will be strengthened and solidified. I get to say hello to old relationships in a new setting. And I get to say hello to brand new relationships with infinite possibilities. In addition to relationships, time offers me a hello to the opportunity to love, the opportunity to excel, the opportunity to lead, and the opportunity to impress. Anticipation no longer plagues me, but now the resulting expectation stares me in the face, and I gladly welcome it.
More than anything, beyond reflection, farewell, or hello, it's time to live. Not to live for right now, not to live in the moment, but time to live for a God that exists outside of this cruel realm of time. It's time to live for my God who deserves all of my efforts. Time to live for my God who, despite my best attempt to forsake, just won't let me slip from his hand. It's time to Love God and Love People. It's time to abandon all the things that flash and attempt to draw me away. And it's time to embrace the grace that my timeless God offers to me everyday so that I can make him more famous than yesterday.
It's time.
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