If I Only Knew...

There is a verse I stumbled across a while back in Hosea that has really changed some things about my view of God:

"For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings." Hosea 6:6

Earlier in chapter 6 of Hosea, the Israelites are saying that they want to return to the Lord.  I suppose their attitude may seem authentic, but I think it's just a show.  They are certain, almost arrogant, of the fact that God will take them back as long as they acknowledge God and "as surely as the sun rises, he will appear."  Apparently, God didn't buy into their pitch because he isn't satisfied with their attitude in approaching him.  In verse 6, God is telling them that He wants the Israelites to do more than just know about him, he desires that they know him.  Simply put, information about God isn't enough.  They need to experience revelation of God in their lives so that they understand his heart.  

I need to experience revelation of God.  

We need to experience revelation of God.

This means that God wants more than "I'm sorry" from me.  He wants more than for me to feel guilty and make an unfulfilled promise.  He wants more than an act or a show.  He wants what is real.  He wants me to experience  what God is about.  He wants me to "taste and see that the Lord is good," as Psalm 34:8 says.  

To taste and see that the Lord is good, I must draw near to the heart of God.  Taste and See are not distant, abstract, and objective verbs.  To taste something is to intentionally consume it so that my senses can explode with excitement at its sweetness and complexity and texture.  To see is more than to simply observe, but it involves perception and understanding and contemplation and processing and analysis to draw a conclusion.  These verbs are personal.  They're part of an intimate sensory experience.  If I am to do these things to know my Lord, then it will take a lot more than simply claiming to lead a spiritual life.  It will take a lot more than listening to a message on Sunday morning.  Anything short of an intimate, personal relationship with God will only result in knowing information about God.  It isn't until I learn to taste and see what God is about, what his heart desires, that I will experience the revelation of God.  

Romeo knew something about revelations.  In act I Scene V of Romeo and Juliet Romeo has his own revelation.  As you may know, the play starts off in Act I Scene I with Romeo complaining to his cousin that the woman he loves, Rosaline, does not love him back.  Bonvolio tries to console Romeo by convincing him to simply forget about her and go on with his life, but Romeo will have nothing of it because to him, she is the most beautiful woman of all.  Skip ahead to Scene V at the Capulet's party.  Romeo sees a girl from across the room and his entire world changes, literally.  Her beauty surpasses anything he has ever seen.  She puts other women to shame.  Everything he thought he knew about beauty in women is thrown out the window and there is now a new standard of beautiful.  He says (in modern English):

"Who is the girl on the arm of that lucky knight over there? Oh, she shows the torches how to burn bright!  She stands out against eh darkness like a jeweled earring hanging against the cheek of and African.  Her beauty is too good for this world; she's too beautiful to die and be buried.  She outshines other women like a white dove in the middle of a flock of crows.  When this dance is over, I'll see where she stands, and I'll touch her hand with my rough ugly one. Did my heart ever love anyone before this moment?  My eyes were liars, then, because I never saw true beauty before tonight."

Upon seeing Juliet, true beauty is revealed to Romeo.  Everything he thought he knew about women changes in an instant.  His previous "love," Rosaline, is no longer even a thought in his mind.  

I hope the connection between Romeo's revelation and experiencing a revelation of God makes sense.  Romeo experiences true revelation upon seeing the surpassing beauty of Juliet.  I experience true revelation upon tasting and seeing and understanding the true beauty of God.  

This idea of having a revelation of God reminds me of what Christ prayed over Jerusalem before his triumphal entry.  Luke describes the scene in verse 42 of chapter 19 as Jesus prays "If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace--but now it is hidden from your eyes."  

If you only knew what would bring you peace.  If you only could see what is best for you.  

I can picture Jesus telling me this.  "Trey, if you could only see what would truly bring you peace, you would want nothing but to worship God.  If you could only look past whatever it is your concentrated on in the short term, you could see that the true beauty of God is where you need to be.  The stuff you're into now may seem important, but if you could only experience the revelation of God in your life, if you could taste and see that the I am good, then it would blow your mind.  The stuff you see now is rags compared to what is going to be revealed to you." 

If we only knew.  Information about God is not enough.  "You do believe that there is one God.  Good!  Even the demons believe that--and shudder." (James 2:19)  I need to know him.  To taste and see that he is good.  If I only knew that there is a righteousness waiting for me that is beyond comprehension, like Romeo seeing Juliet for the first time, everything that I knew beforehand would pail in comparison.  If I could only see the big picture of my insignificance operating in God's grand story.  The only way is to "taste and see that  the Lord is good."

Whatever You Do

On November 6, 2009 I wrote this in a journal:

"At 1:30 PM I gave my life to God for full time ministry/missions.  I have no other choice.  I believe with every ounce of my being that this is God's plan for my life and there's no use trying to run from it.  By telling God to have his way with my life, I terrify myself because I can't begin to fathom the implications of that statement."

I wrote that two and a half years ago with no clue what it meant.  All I knew was that God wanted me to go a different path than what was expected of me by society, my family and my peers.  I've spent the last two and half years trying to discern how that statement was to manifest itself in my life and in my actions and in my decisions.  I have tried not to worry too much about specifics.  Instead of demanding I hear from God about exactly what I was to do and where I was to do it and with what organization and with what funds, I just wanted to find something I could do that would satisfy that statement: "have your way with my life."  

For the most part, the unknown does not bother me.  I've learned to trust God in his power and sovereignty, I've had to or else I would have driven myself crazy trying to grab for answers.  However, it is not uncommon for my impatience to come creeping its way back into my thoughts.  Sometimes, I don't want to go a different route because I'd rather be secure in knowing what I'm doing after I graduate and where I am going to live and when I'm going to get married and whatever else apprehensions my mind has the imagination to conceive.  

Often, this uneasiness is brought upon by my academic career.  I have completely enjoyed studying in the Building Science department at Auburn and they do a great job of trying to ensure job placement for their graduates.  Sometimes, they do too good of a job because I begin to doubt what I know is true about what God wants me to do.  When I hear classmates talking about job placement and salaries and their seemingly concrete future, the longing for security starts to creep into my mind, trying commandeer my future.  But I can't let this happen.  No matter how much Satan tries to convince me that a life in vocational construction would be better, I have to remember that I am to "go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations."  

I can't believe that the only thing that God has called me to is vocational international missions.  We are to worship God in everything we do, whether it's accounting or construction or flipping burgers or vocational international missions, God should be represented all the same.  It's not so much about what I do as it is about the Name that I carry with me.  The thing that I decide to do with my life, the way I choose to spend my time is of no concern to God, as long as I am glorifying His name as I do it. With that said, I do believe that I can work in domestic construction and still satisfy God's will for my life because it's the same will that He has for everyone's life: glorify the I Am.  

Even though I know I can glorify God in whatever I do, I can't help but entertain the passions that God has placed on my heart.  I love constructing and building, and I have a heart for people and to see them come to know the God that I love, so why not combine the two?  For me, it doesn't make sense to "waste" (for lack of a better word) the passions that God has granted me by doing anything short of making a fool out of myself for His sake (1 Cor. 4:10).  It doesn't make sense to spend my time on anything short of Isaiah 58.  

So I will find a way to spend my time for the next several months before I go to Siguatepeque, Honduras for one year.  Whether I do it in construction or service or whatever until then, I have to carry His name.  And then in Honduras, I have to carry His name.  Then I will come back from Honduras into a world of uncertainty in which I will still have to carry His name.   There's no telling what the Lord will have in store for me upon my return, but whatever it may be, I have to carry His name.  

"Whatever you do, work at is with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving." 

Colossians 3:24-24