"At 1:30 PM I gave my life to God for full time ministry/missions. I have no other choice. I believe with every ounce of my being that this is God's plan for my life and there's no use trying to run from it. By telling God to have his way with my life, I terrify myself because I can't begin to fathom the implications of that statement."
I wrote that two and a half years ago with no clue what it meant. All I knew was that God wanted me to go a different path than what was expected of me by society, my family and my peers. I've spent the last two and half years trying to discern how that statement was to manifest itself in my life and in my actions and in my decisions. I have tried not to worry too much about specifics. Instead of demanding I hear from God about exactly what I was to do and where I was to do it and with what organization and with what funds, I just wanted to find something I could do that would satisfy that statement: "have your way with my life."
For the most part, the unknown does not bother me. I've learned to trust God in his power and sovereignty, I've had to or else I would have driven myself crazy trying to grab for answers. However, it is not uncommon for my impatience to come creeping its way back into my thoughts. Sometimes, I don't want to go a different route because I'd rather be secure in knowing what I'm doing after I graduate and where I am going to live and when I'm going to get married and whatever else apprehensions my mind has the imagination to conceive.
Often, this uneasiness is brought upon by my academic career. I have completely enjoyed studying in the Building Science department at Auburn and they do a great job of trying to ensure job placement for their graduates. Sometimes, they do too good of a job because I begin to doubt what I know is true about what God wants me to do. When I hear classmates talking about job placement and salaries and their seemingly concrete future, the longing for security starts to creep into my mind, trying commandeer my future. But I can't let this happen. No matter how much Satan tries to convince me that a life in vocational construction would be better, I have to remember that I am to "go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations."
I can't believe that the only thing that God has called me to is vocational international missions. We are to worship God in everything we do, whether it's accounting or construction or flipping burgers or vocational international missions, God should be represented all the same. It's not so much about what I do as it is about the Name that I carry with me. The thing that I decide to do with my life, the way I choose to spend my time is of no concern to God, as long as I am glorifying His name as I do it. With that said, I do believe that I can work in domestic construction and still satisfy God's will for my life because it's the same will that He has for everyone's life: glorify the I Am.
Even though I know I can glorify God in whatever I do, I can't help but entertain the passions that God has placed on my heart. I love constructing and building, and I have a heart for people and to see them come to know the God that I love, so why not combine the two? For me, it doesn't make sense to "waste" (for lack of a better word) the passions that God has granted me by doing anything short of making a fool out of myself for His sake (1 Cor. 4:10). It doesn't make sense to spend my time on anything short of Isaiah 58.
So I will find a way to spend my time for the next several months before I go to Siguatepeque, Honduras for one year. Whether I do it in construction or service or whatever until then, I have to carry His name. And then in Honduras, I have to carry His name. Then I will come back from Honduras into a world of uncertainty in which I will still have to carry His name. There's no telling what the Lord will have in store for me upon my return, but whatever it may be, I have to carry His name.
"Whatever you do, work at is with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
Colossians 3:24-24
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